Have you noticed that many major decisions in life are made without much thought, or even unconsciously?
How often do you hear: “This job just came my way,” or “It just happened that way, I didn't put much effort into it.” Do you make the choice yourself, or is the choice made for you?
Making choices is an interesting topic. It is a central theme in my executive coaching practice. What guides you when you make a choice? Do you encounter procrastination and avoidance, or do you create all kinds of obstacles? When making choices, you may encounter old patterns that unconsciously guide your behavior.
How can you make better choices? How can you make decisions differently? More consciously? More thoughtfully, so that you can stand behind your choice and feel good about it.
In this blog, I would like to share three ways to better map out your decision-making process and improve it. There are certainly many more.
In a coaching session with me, I will first diverge with you. This means that we will explore the broader context of the subject of choice. We will, as it were, create, explore, and brainstorm the choice. Next, you will converge; focus, eliminate, narrow down. This will ultimately lead to a well-considered choice. A choice that feels right.
Would you like to get started on your own first? Below are three ways to make better choices. Or use a combination of these three methods.
Making choices based on reason
We learn rational thinking at school. We rely heavily on reason when making choices. You make lists of pros and cons. You weigh things up against each other and come up with different scenarios.
I see this happen a lot in my coaching sessions. Issues are often already tackled with reason. You often end up going round in circles and can't find a solution by thinking about it.
Another disadvantage of purely rational choices is that you ignore the fact that the decision has to ‘feel right’. It is therefore useful to approach the research with your heart and soul. We don't learn this at school.
By relying too much on reason, you often unconsciously go along with what those around you consider important or what the current trend is. You may then find yourself getting carried away by decisions that ultimately do not suit you in the long term. Then you may suddenly find yourself in what I call “the wrong movie.”
It may also be useful to approach the choice from a different angle. For example, the body.
Making choices based on your body
Often, your body knows what is good for you before your mind does, as psychiatrist Bessel van de Kolk writes in his book “The Body Keeps the Score.”
When making choices, you can also ask yourself the questions below. With your eyes closed. Or you can ask someone else to read the questions to you. Pay attention to what your body responds: it often gives a very clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Here's how to do it:
- Sit down quietly, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing for a few minutes.
- Then ask yourself the question: “How would it feel if I did this?”
- Pay attention to the sensations in your body. Do you feel a strong pleasant sensation, or rather an unpleasant one? Then ask yourself: “How would it feel if I didn't do it?”
- Pay attention to your body's feedback.
Making choices based on the past
Do you ever wonder what really suits you? What could be the next step to finding more satisfaction in your work and life? How can you find out?
Somehow, I keep thinking about this speech by Steve Jobs. Apart from being a wonderfully written speech, it is also about finding satisfaction and inspiration. We have often made choices in the past that say something about our path. By looking back at the past, you can learn by seeing the connections, or ‘connecting the dots’ as Steve Jobs calls it.
For this purpose, I have prepared a handout with an exercise that you can do on your own.
Would you like to gain more insight into the right choice for you in a session? I will create a customized intervention for you.
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